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Preparing for Postpartum Life

The Joys and Challenges of Life After Delivery
By Dorothy Nelson

The day your baby is born, life changes. It changes you, the way you think about life and how you organize your time. We all are aware of these changes, yet until we experience them, it’s hard to know how they will affect us. Your emotions of love, pride and protection for your newborn baby will lead your decisions. So now is a good time to think practically about how to manage the changes ahead. There are several things you can do before and after your baby is born to make the postpartum experience easier and more enjoyable.

Time Constraints
One element that can be challenging to manage initially is time. For many reasons, most of us experience time constraints after the birth of a baby. Your baby’s feeding schedule and the number of times he naps and needs to be changed are variables that cause our priorities to change. Once you become a mother, you tend to become a lot more flexible, as you recognize the course of your days are somewhat unpredictable. The trick to having a joyful postpartum experience is to anticipate the changes and to set goals to manage them.

Before having your child, it is helpful for you and your spouse to look at how you spend your time. That is, how much time do you spend with each other socializing, working and by yourselves? Observing how you organize your time before Baby will allow you to discuss areas where sacrifices may have to be made once Baby is born. For example, the amount of time you work may not change after Baby is born, so you may need to be prepared to cut back on socializing or on time for yourself.

This exercise can also be helpful in opening discussions regarding you and your partner’s priorities when it comes to spending time. If you decide you wish to continue to have some time alone together (which is recommended!), you can plan ahead for ways you can continue to share this time once the baby has arrived. Having a relative or neighbor watch your infant for a few hours while you enjoy dinner out once a week could be a goal you set for yourselves as a couple.

Exercise Time
Many women are anxious to get back in shape once Baby’s born. Sharon Broz of Richmond, Va., says, “I’m thankful I researched childcare facilities at local health clubs before Parker was born. I was able to find a facility ahead of time so that once my doctor told me I could begin exercising, I could get involved immediately. I had peace of mind, because I had chosen the best care for my son.”

If having one day a week or more to yourself is important to you, start researching opportunities for childcare now. Opportunities to find sitters include networking with churches, colleges, friends and neighbors. You may choose to make arrangements for childcare in advance, or you may wish to wait until the baby is born, as many new moms don’t feel comfortable leaving their child with a sitter until a certain age. Regardless of timing, you’ll be thankful you did the research in advance.

Time is Relative
For most people, relatives play a special role in your child’s life. They will be involved in your child’s life in varying degrees. If they live within close proximity, you’ll want to understand how involved they hope to be. Some grandparents, for example, watch their grandchildren once a week, while others may not be comfortable with that commitment.

Whether or not you plan to work outside the home, it is also helpful to discuss responsibilities for household management before Baby is born. The amount of laundry you clean, dirty dishes you wash, groceries you buy and trash you take out will definitely increase, so you and your partner may wish to mutually agree to divide these responsibilities or discuss having someone come to your home to help with its upkeep.

If you know you don’t function well during the day when you’re sleep deprived, you can plan ahead to have help with the baby for late-night or early-morning feedings. Often, husbands don’t mind taking a late-night or early-morning shift, as it allows them time to bond with the baby. Eric Nelson, father to Andrew and Virginia, says, “Before Virginia was born, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to participate in assisting with feedings as I had with our son due to increased responsibilities at work. I was concerned, because I knew of my wife’s needs for sleep. By discussing the situation in advance, we were able to arrange for a woman to help out in the evenings with feedings for the first few months after the baby was born.”

Time for You
If interacting with other mothers is a priority, begin exploring options for playgroups/support groups in your area. Infant massage, music classes and story times at local libraries are often offered for infants, while Mothers of Preschoolers, Mommy and Me and Gymboree classes are offered for toddlers. These classes provide opportunities to meet mothers who share common interests. Often playgroups are organized as a result of the friendships made in these classes.

The first few months after your baby is born are magical. Your life will revolve around loving your little one and making his life comfortable. Anticipating your needs and orchestrating how to meet them before Baby is born will prepare you for parenthood. Try not to criticize yourself for things you forget to do during the postpartum period. As we’re learning how to be the best parents we can be, some things will not get done. And that’s OK. Gradually, you’ll find a postpartum rhythm, and your days will become more predictable and will be more organized.

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About the Author: Dorothy Nelson is a mother and writer who frequently contributes to iParenting.com.

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