Easing Expectant Fears

How to Relax and Enjoy Your Pregnancy By Kendeyl Johansen

Most women can't help worrying. First we worry about conceiving. Then, after we get pregnant, we worry about the baby, body changes, labor pains and countless other things.

“Worrying can be healthy,” says Dr. Shelia Bittle a nurse/psychotherapist practicing in Salt Lake City, Utah. "It leads us to pay attention to our body and conceive and ask questions." According to Dr. Bittle, first-time moms are especially prone to pregnancy anxiety because they're facing the unknown.

Misgivings About Miscarriage
When Katie Gustafsson of Sweden became pregnant for the first time, she worried about miscarriage. It had taken her a long time to conceive, and while pregnant she suffered diabetes, bleeding and several other complications. "I coped by telling the bump in my stomach how much he was loved and wanted, and I prayed that God would keep him safe because the baby was already loved so much," she says. Baby Jake was safely delivered by Cesarean section at 35 weeks.

The most common causes of miscarriage are genetic defects or failure of the egg to implant properly in the uterus, things which women can't help. You can improve your baby's chances by not drinking or smoking. "A little spotting often occurs around the 6th week of pregnancy," Dr. Bittle says. "It's normal, but many women are terrified that they're miscarrying." The risk of miscarriage decreases dramatically after the first trimester of pregnancy.

Miscarriage fears can be particularly debilitating to women who have suffered the loss of a previous baby. In 1995 Koni Coward of Powell, Tenn., suffered a miscarriage. "I didn't break down," she says. "I handled it fairly well, or so I thought." When Coward became pregnant again, she obsessed over miscarriage.

"I worried so much that I couldn't enjoy being pregnant. I just wanted it over and done with," she says. Fortunately, her baby was fine. "Fear can rob a person of any and all joy if they let it. And I let it," she says.

Coping with Worry
Whatever your worries might be, it's important to find ways to cope with them. Dr. Bittle offers several methods for coping with pregnancy and motherhood anxiety:

• Discuss your fears with your partner, a friend or a family member. Many women feel better after talking things out.
• Express your worries to your health care provider. His or her medical expertise and background can dispel many fears.
• Educate yourself. The more you know the less you fear. Head to the library or log onto the Internet to research your worries.

Occasionally, worrying can lead to obsession or depression. "Often, your partner or a close friend can give you the first feedback that worries are out of control," Dr. Bittle says. "They might mention you're obsessing about losing the baby even though all indications are normal and you're close to delivery."

Signs of unhealthy fears include changed eating or sleeping habits that don't return to normal, like inability to get out of bed or feelings of constant unhappiness. These symptoms warrant a visit with your doctor.

Fears Vary
There are as many different worries as there are pregnancies. Teena Perry of Texas is adopted, and while pregnant she worried about inherited diseases she might pass along. "For me, each pregnancy is a chance," she says.

To make matters worse, Perry worked in a veterinary clinic and was accidentally injected with the contents of a dog vaccine in her first trimester. The vaccine's effects on pregnant women weren't known. She forced herself to think positive, and she delivered a healthy baby girl.

Expectant mom Kristen Fundator of Glen Ellyn, Ill., worries about how a baby will impact her life. At 24 weeks gestation she was placed on bed rest with plenty of time to think. "Although I know that my priorities will shift, and my first concern will become the baby, I've already experienced a few scornful situations that I wouldn't have had to go through had I not been pregnant," she says.

Fundator's job may be in jeopardy, and she's anxious that things will only worsen when she has her child. Also, she's normally weight conscious and physically active. The weight she's gained while stuck in bed concerns her.

While worries could drive her crazy, Fundator has developed a philosophical attitude to cope with uncertainty and inactivity. "My 'resting time' has forced me to stop and take things into perspective," she says. "Everything happens for a reason, and I'm now realizing that the baby is what is most important – and will continue to be my No. 1 priority – not my career and getting ahead." Fundator is also eating healthy to avoid gaining unnecessary weight.

In contrast to Fundator, Eliza Ferree of Yuma, Ariz., worried about not gaining enough weight during her pregnancy. "Morning sickness hit me almost immediately. I was very scared my first baby wouldn't be getting enough [nutrition]," she says. Ferree threw up constantly during her first months of pregnancy and lost weight. "I coped the best way I could by eating crackers as soon as I woke up and prayed to God to help me throughout the day," she says. Severe morning sickness does not necessarily need to be endured, and weight concerns should be discussed with your health care practitioner. He or she can offer advice for decreasing morning sickness, gaining weight and slowing quick weight gain.

Delivery Fears
Another worry pregnant women face is delivery. "It's important to differentiate between old wives' tales and reality when it comes to pregnancy and delivery. Also, don't let friends scare you with negative stories," says Dr. Bittle.

Melina Williams of New York City, says that when she was pregnant, people loved to walk up and tell her their labor horror stories. "It seems kind of funny now, but they had me scared when I was pregnant," she says.

Dr. Bittle encourages pregnant women to draw a boundary for people wanting to recount negative experiences. "The likelihood of the same bad experience happening to you is tiny. There's no reason to get upset about something that probably won't happen," she says.

It's a good idea for women to prepare for labor by discussing it with trusted friends and family members. Yes, labor complications exist, but many women will tell you about their easy deliveries.

Finding a health care practitioner you trust and can talk to will help ease anxiety, and attending pregnancy and childbirth classes will ease fear of the unknown. But what about those scary labor pains? "Find out what helps you relax before delivery and prepare yourself by practicing relaxation," says Dr. Bittle.

Want to see more?

• Hyperemisis Gravidarum: Surviving Extreme Morning Sickness
• Pregnant … Again: Pregnancy After Miscarriage
• Easing Labor Pain: The Complete Guide to a More Comfortable and Rewarding Birth
• Talk about it!