The Coed Baby Shower b y   J e s s i c a   W i l l i a m s

A coed baby shower tends to break all of the rules. Instead of a group of women coming together to celebrate motherhood, couples come together to show the new parents they are supported by friends and family. Of course, it is also fun to throw a "dad shower," where his buddies get him gag gifts like Tylenol and ear plugs, but the same "manly" ribbing can be accomplished at a coed shower if the mood is right.

For example, instead of having a more frilly, traditional shower that takes place in a house decorated in pastels and bows, consider having an evening barbecue. The men will have a chance to stand around the grill discussing the mysteries of the last trimester of pregnancy and the anxiety of becoming a father.

Some hosts encounter a little resistance when they invite men to a baby shower. Some men might not be comfortable receiving an invitation to an event that is traditionally held for women. And on the flip side, some women may not think it is right to "spoil" a shower by inviting the guys. But as with any shower, plan according to what the new parents want. Many dads would love to share the spotlight with their pregnant partner.

Unless you plan to throw a surprise shower, discuss what type of shower the couple wants. Do they want to play games? Should it be a pot luck? Would they like to invite a few close friends or the whole neighborhood? Have them write out a guest list and then be prepared to explain to guests why you are throwing a coed shower.

Does dad want to be involved in the shower? When your host starts planning the shower, you may want to ask your partner if he feels left out. Many women are surprised to hear that their partner would like to attend the shower, but it makes sense. After all, if he has been involved in your pregnancy, he may like the support and encouragement often given at showers. Be sure your host understands his wishes, too.

If you are giving invitations by phone, you can easily answer questions from guests who have never attended a coed shower. Your written invitations should specify that the dad-to-be would like to participate and that partners are invited. Address the invitation to both partners as equal guests and consider saying something like, "Peter and Nancy share hopes and goals for their new life as mom and dad. Come honor the couple as we celebrate their impending parenthood." Traditional showers often include games. Most of the common games will work fine at coed showers (like the diaper race game), but some new activities can be used if a large group will be attending or the parents-to-be don't want to play traditional games. Consider these activities instead:

Baby Calendar
Draw a large calendar onto a piece of poster board. The calendar should have four weeks: three weeks before the due date and one week after. Be sure to circle the due date on the calendar. Divide each square (each day) into four sections. The top two squares of each day represent the a.m., the bottom two represent the p.m. The left side of each day represents a girl, the right side, a boy. The guests then guess the day they think baby will be born, the time of day and the gender (if not already known) by placing their name in the appropriate area. After the baby is born, you could mail a gift certificate or lotto ticket to the person who came closest.

Your Mom and Dad
This activity is similar to a wedding video, but is intended for the baby. Using a video camera, have each guest (or those who wish to participate) record a story, or explain their favorite personality trait about the new mom or dad. Guests could also make predictions of how the parents will react during different challenges they will face throughout the child's life. Be sure this activity remains "G" rated. The parents keep the video for later viewing.

Baby Pictionary
Before the shower, place words relating to baby activities and items on index cards. At the shower, get teams together and give each team a pad of paper and pencil. Let one member of the team see a card, then tell them to draw that word or phrase for their partner to guess. Use a timer or just play until someone guesses. This is similar to the "All Play" option of the Pictionary game.

Although most gifts will be something for the new baby, some guests may want to give gifts that are for the parents. Consider giving hand-made gift certificates for a free night of baby-sitting or some classical music the whole family can enjoy on relaxing evenings. Film and photo albums are also great gifts both parents can appreciate.

Coed showers are becoming more popular because many men are actively involved in their partner's pregnancy. Straying from tradition to include a father-to-be in the activities is a great way to show support and understanding. Dads enjoy opening gifts for the new baby and celebrating this special event with their partner. Coed showers can be a great place for other parents to share tips and advice about the wonderful aspects of being a parenting team.

About the Author: Jessica Williams is a Pregnancy Today contributing writer and mother of two boys, born in 9/93 and 8/96. She writes breastfeeding, parenting and pregnancy articles from her home in northwest Montana. She is the breastfeeding guide at Suite 101.

Other articles in this series:

Showering the Mom-to-Be With Love	The Best Baby Gifts
Let the Games Begin	Organization For a Memorable Shower
The Coed Baby Shower	Tasty Treats for the Baby Shower
Baby Shower Gift Ideas and Tips