728x90
my iParenting
From Our Sponsors
e-newsletters
Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters

new terms of use
new privacy policy
award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.

How I Knew I Was a Dad
15 Surefire Ways
By Jay Sauls

After 18 months of fatherhood, I’m still asked repeatedly by my single and childless friends, “When did you realize you were a dad?” Following are the top 15 ways I knew that I was definitely dad – sound familiar?

  1. The dog farts and you change the baby. This is considerably preferable to the other way around.


  3. You’re surprised to find yourself brushing your teeth with Desitin Ointment, but are happy with the way your mustache glows.


  5. You find yourself watching TV between 2 and 4 a.m. Surprisingly, ESPN is not one of the shows watched. On the down side, you’ve bought several tummy-tightening belts from infomercials.


  7. You no longer find the site of guacamole appetizing, but suddenly you find strained peas and carrots quite alluring.


  9. You start keeping notes on the 2-year-old boys in your neighborhood and begin to cross the bad ones off your list of eventual friends or dates, especially the one who sits with his legs propped up between the handlebars of his Big Wheel. Definitely trouble.


  11. You see a naked woman's boob on HBO and all you can think is, “Got Milk?” This also gives great pleasure to your wife as she retells the story every time your poker buddies come over for cards.


  13. You get excited every time a new and improved diaper comes on the market. Your wife gets happy when you announce that you’ve finally given up on trying to create your own “homemade” diaper out of duct tape and paper machet.


  15. After six months of changing baby diapers, you no longer flinch while opening a Tupperware container that has been hiding in the ‘fridge for the past eight months. You also find yourself performing this death-defying trick at parties hosted by your single friends. They’re impressed that you perform it without a net.


  17. You find food particles floating in your drink after the baby has crawled past your cup. To solve the problem, you no longer drink clear liquids.


  19. Every time you try to steal 15 minutes of quiet in the bathroom, a tiny set of hands opens the door and calls out your name. The plus side being that hands under your stall in the men's room no longer bother you.


  21. The new excuse for buying things you want is: “The baby will want this in a couple of years!” When my little girl is 2, she’ll have access to a nice riding mower, table saw, set of Craftsman tools, Camaro...


  23. You start counting down the years until he/she is old enough to cut the grass. Realizing the difficulty in getting kids to cut grass, you start thinking a little more basic. You start thinking about getting a trained monkey or possibly a goat.


  25. You suddenly have the desire to wear your pants up above your belly button while wearing black socks and sandals. The sad part is, you think you look good.


  27. Every time you leave a store you hear an announcement on the speakers, “Clean up, aisle three, aisle four, aisle five, aisle...” Eventually you find a picture of you and your child included on a sign that says, “No shirt, no shoes, no Sauls family member, no entry.”


  29. But most of all, you know you’re a dad when the fancies of youth, the ones that you said would never fade away, have finally melted into oblivion. All your heart's dreams and desires revolve around the little one beside you – the very one who is presently scooping the chili off your plate and onto theirs and at the same time, sharing a cookie with the dog. A bite for doggie, a bite for the baby. You start to say something about it not being a good thing to do, but a double set of puppy dog eyes plead upward at you. Now it's a bite for the doggy, a bite for the baby and a bite for the daddy. Ah, fatherhood! The anticipation has been worth every moment of every day. But why does the wait have to be so long?


Want to see more?

About the Author: Jay Sauls is an Atlanta-based professional stand-up comic, freelance writer and father of one.

back to index