Sisterhood of Motherhood
A Letter from One Mom to All Expectant Mothers by Gwen Kopetzky

Expect words of wisdom from all corners. If you've told even a soul you're pregnant, you know this indisputable truth already: Everyone has an opinion on parenting.

Dear friend:

I am so excited to hear that you are expecting! I am thrilled to think of the joy that I know becoming a mother will bring you, as it has brought me. I hope that we will be able to share our experiences as mothers and to grow our friendship as we watch our little ones grow up together.

It wasn't long ago that I was like you, looking at my mommy friends and wondering what it would mean to join the sisterhood of motherhood. Although the thought might excite you, I can also imagine that there is a little of the fear of the unknown overshadowing your happiness. What will they expect of you as a new mother? How should you react?

Let me, a seasoned member of the sisterhood, show you the lay of the land from the thousand-miles-up view.

Expect words of wisdom from all corners. If you've told even a soul you're pregnant, you know this indisputable truth already: Everyone has an opinion on parenting. And many women fancy themselves experts on the vocation once they have a year or two of experience behind them. You can expect to get advice on everything from what kind of lotion to slather on your abdomen to avoid stretch marks, to whether to go for drugs at childbirth, breastfeeding tips and more. It's hard at first not to take offense. You may begin to wonder if you're getting an unusually prolific offering of advice because your mommy friends somehow think you are uniquely unprepared to care for a baby. Put that thought aside right now. This is what we do for each other. With the best of intentions, we try to point out the struggles we went through to steer you around and help you avoid the same. Get used to it, because it doesn't end after the baby years.

Guard your privacy. Now, there's an acceptable type of advice and the kind of advice that just goes too far. If you start being bombarded with unwanted advice about preparing your body for childbirth, relations with your husband afterward and other topics that invade areas you'd rather not make public, you need to let your mommy friends know. Each woman has a different comfort level when it comes to sharing personal information. Somehow those lines get blurred when you become pregnant. You know this if you've had an absolute stranger come up in the elevator and pat your blooming belly. But you have the right to draw the line when it gets too personal -- with your friends, your family and everyone else.

Enter the sharing community. There are many benefits to the sisterhood. Have you had cribs, toys and clothes donated to you by people who don't even give you birthday cards? The sisterhood is a very sharing community. We pass baby goods back and forth with little concern about whether we'll ever see them again. Just know that the same will usually be expected of you unless you're up-front about plans for another addition to your family. Mothers are also very generous in another way -- with their time. We've all had days when the up-all-night exhaustion coupled with the cabin fever just about made us want to climb the walls. Your friends are there for you and you shouldn't be afraid to call on them to get a few moments to yourself. The babysitting exchange between moms is a fantastic, free-flowing system that allows us to keep our sanity.

Know that we're OK with coming second. I hate to say it, but I know for a fact that I will go down at least a notch on your list once the baby arrives. But that's the way it should be, isn't it? When friends try to drag you away for a shopping excursion, you may opt out to spend time with the baby instead. When they call, you may not have as much time for those long, heart-to-heart analyses. Because we too are mothers, we will understand and wait our turns for your time. However, don't wait too long; even the more mature friendships suffer from neglect. And, after all, friends want to be at least a little part of such an exciting time in your life!

Enjoy the newfound realism. Speaking of mature friendships, you may find many of the relationships you have with other mothers more "real" than you were used to having with female friends in the past. Most of the other mommies I meet don't tend to spend much time trying to pretend perfection -- no one would even believe it! And although you may still talk about clothes and hair and other such things, you suddenly have this wide-open area of the soul to share -- mothering and your love for your baby. For those precious few deep relationships, you'll find them enhanced by this new dimension. That doesn't mean you don't still find time to chat about NBA basketball or quilting or your favorite charity, but don't be surprised if the conversation often turns to mothering.

As you can tell, there's a lot to look forward to when you become a mom outside the obvious joy of having a beautiful new baby in your arms. You may find your relationships with female friends growing, maturing and adding a new level of generosity and realism.

The sisterhood is ready to embrace you, my friend. I, for one, am thrilled to welcome you and to celebrate with you the joy and wonder of being a mother.

Want to read more? How to be Pregnant and Proud The Perfect Family First Time Pregnant Discussion Board

About the Author: Gwen Kopetzky is a freelance author and half-time public relations professional from Tacoma, Wash. She is the mother of two girls, ages 7 and 2 years.