Once thought to be a shameful result of impulsive behavior, single motherhood is now becoming an "option for privileged, unmarried women," says Jane Bock, Assistant Professor in the Department of Human Development at the University of Wisconsin in Green Bay. An expert on Single Mothers By Choice (SMC), Dr. Bock reports that between 1980 and 1990 the birth rate increased 12 percent for professional white women ages 30-34, a staggering 78 percent for women ages 35-39, and 38 percent for 40- to 44-year-olds.

Bock followed the lives of 26 single mothers by choice in southern California for several years. She found that the "typical" SMC was older than 35, well-educated, professionally successful and financially responsible. In short, these women had "a lot to bring to the motherhood relationship" but were tired of waiting for Prince Charming to show up. While still hoping for a future committed relationship, they decided to proceed with the decision to have a baby before their childbearing years ran out. Bock got to observe the children from these single-mom households and describes them as being "awesome."

"These kids are smart, verbal and secure," raves Bock. "I've never seen kids behave so well. When you're in a home where you're loved and wanted and planned for that much, well, how blessed are you?"

Patrick Fagan, a Fellow in Family and Culture at the Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank in Washington, D.C., believes these children are more cursed than blessed. Fagan worries that the rise of single parenthood is eroding the traditional family in this country. He states that "the children of single mothers fare worse [than those from two-parent households] by far." Specifically, Fagan cites data that these offspring are 6.6 times more likely to live in poverty; 22 times more likely to be incarcerated, and to possess lower verbal skills, educational achievement and professional attainment. In addition, Fagan says that these kids will grow up to have higher rates of both out-of-wedlock births and divorce.

Bock responds to Fagan's dour prognosis by examining our concept of family. "If you define family by structure -- two parents and a marriage contract -- then, sure, this is a threat," says Bock. "But if you define family by process -- is there love, is it safe, is there supervision and nurturing? -- then, this is no threat at all."

Bock goes on to state that the feminist agenda has allowed women to consider a lifestyle choice that 30 or 40 years ago would have been unthinkable. "The acceptance level gets better every year," says Bock. "Celebrities are doing it, more is known about sperm banks." But statistics aside, what is the experience of single motherhood really like? Is the picture as bleak as Fagan asserts or as liberating as Bock attests?

To answer that question, Pregnancy Today spoke with four women who either are currently single and pregnant or have had a child essentially without a partner's support. While these women come from vastly different socioeconomic backgrounds, they are all motivated by the same thing: a basic and powerful need to be a mother.

Adrienne's Story
Adrienne, 30, is expecting a baby in August. Her pregnancy happened early in a new relationship and was accidental, what she calls the result of "poor birth control." At this time, the baby's father is not providing emotional or financial support.

Of all the women interviewed for this article, Adrienne appears to have the toughest road ahead of her. A temp office worker, she knows that having a child will be "extremely difficult financially." No doubt in part because of her economic situation, her family has urged her to give the baby up for adoption.

"Sometimes I feel isolated," Adrienne says. "My family is on the west coast and I only have a handful of friends here in Boston. But in another sense [the pregnancy] is empowering, because I have been forced to rely on my own strengths."

Fortunately, Adrienne also has been able to rely on a friend, Craig, who will be with her in the delivery room. Adrienne praises Craig for being "amazing" regarding her situation. Because he's gay, Adrienne is happy to be able to "share something with him that he may never be able to experience on his own."

When asked how she plans to balance work and parenting, Adrienne says, "I'm hoping to be able to find an affordable day care. I've been researching costs and facilities. I've even contemplated getting a job at one [day care center] so I could be with the baby."

Considering the isolation and financial duress Adrienne faces, it's hard not to wonder if adoption wouldn't be better for both her and her baby. Yet, her honesty about her situation and her determination to be a good mother are admirable. She hopes someday to find a father for her child and admits she wouldn't recommend single motherhood.

"I think it's really hard for me to justify my wanting to keep the baby, knowing that it's not the ideal family situation. I constantly question if I'm being selfish. But I'm willing to take full responsibility. I know that I can be a great mom. I just wish the circumstances were better."

Heather's Story
Heather, 26, delivered her son four months ago in Texas. Her pregnancy was accidental; the baby's father was and remains uninvolved. Despite feeling lonely and worried about finances during her pregnancy, Heather found unexpected benefits from being single and pregnant.

"My family was very supportive. My mom and I are closer than we've ever been," Heather says. "I also was inspired to be the best I could be -- for myself and for my baby. I now have a great job and a bright future for both of us."

When her son was three days old, Heather moved 300 miles, back home to Texas so her mother could help her during the early postpartum weeks. She now works outside the home as a technical writer and has "adopted an attachment parenting style to become closer" to her baby when she isn't working.

Perhaps because Heather and her son have love and support from her extended family, she states that finding a father for her child is unimportant to her.

"As long as my son has plenty of positive role models, male and female, I will have done the best I can," Heather says. "If I do choose to find a partner, I can at least make sure that he will love my son as much as I do before I make a commitment. My son will get to pick his father, rather than having to deal with the one he was born with."

Heather resents the common assumptions that single mothers are "uneducated and immoral -- or teenagers." While she urges women who are contemplating single motherhood to save money for legal issues, postpartum help, clothing and baby supplies, she wholeheartedly asserts that she's happy with her situation.

"I wouldn't have done it any other way! I feel like my life started over when I found out I was pregnant. I am happy and very proud to be a single mom!"

Stay tuned for the second part in our single motherhood series, in which two more "single mothers by choice" share their stories, and the experts tell us how single moms can prepare for life after the baby arrives.