Theresa's* Story
A well-educated, successful management consultant in the northeast, Theresa has found single motherhood to be "much more difficult than anything I've done professionally."

Although Theresa and her boyfriend share financial support of their daughter, Sophia, 3 ½ months, they didn't plan on having a child together and aren't sure whether they'll marry.

Theresa, 29, was fortunate to be able to afford a large Victorian house for herself and her daughter. She also had enough savings to quit her job and embark on a more creative venture -- painting. Theresa speculates that in the near future she will rely on her business background to support her child, but hopes to work from home.

"I'm definitely trying to plan a work space that allows me to be flexible. I have friends who want to start businesses and I feel that if I do start a company with other people I can design the kind of job that would give me flexibility."

For Theresa, the most surprising and positive element of her pregnancy was the validation she received from slightly older women.

"People my age were focussing much more on a relationship, where women in their 40s focussed on the mother-child relationship," says Theresa. "Some of these women were divorced and single now, or remarried, and seemed to think it wasn't necessary to have the father around. Sometimes the dads were not that helpful and required so much attention ... it had been exhausting for these women to balance attention between their baby and their husband."

Theresa feels that the best thing single expectant moms can do is line up support people. "Know who's going to be there for you, and when they say they're going to be there, be sure they mean it and take them up on it." During her own pregnancy, Theresa relied on "five to seven" people for emotional support. Her mother, who was "ecstatic" about her first grandchild, was with Theresa in the delivery room and acted as her doula for six weeks, cooking, cleaning and even providing lactation tips.

Although Theresa said she would only have another child in the context of a committed relationship, she believes there's an advantage to raising Sophia on her own. She echoes the sentiments of her older women friends, musing:

"I do feel I have more time for Sophia. I don't feel like I'm balancing the needs of a partner with her needs. When my boyfriend comes for the weekend, he also wants to spend time with me. But at this point, I want to be focusing on her."

Sasha's Story
Of all the women interviewed for this article, design journalist Sasha Emerson Levin, 40, most embodies Jane Bock's description of the modern Single Mother by Choice. Divorced at 31, Sasha was then a well-paid studio executive in Los Angeles. When she wasn't working or dating, she busied herself with baking and home improvement binges -- until she realized she was substituting "Martha Stewart-like behavior" for her desire to have a child.

Unwilling to let her maternal urges put pressure on her dating relationships or turn her into an "angry" single woman, Sasha, then 33, first decided to adopt. But when she confided her plan to her long-time close friend, Billy, he volunteered to have a child with her. Handsome, smart and charming, Billy was a playboy with precarious finances who lived 3,000 miles away. He was honest in admitting he wanted the pleasures of having a child without the responsibilities. Ever the businesswoman, Sasha visited a lawyer who prepared a contract that absolved Billy of financial support for their future child.

"I knew we were never meant to be man and wife, we were just meant to have a baby together for some reason," Sasha says.

After three months of rendezvousing with Billy, Sasha conceived and became the subject of a "gossip fest" within the Hollywood entertainment industry. "A friend joked and said, 'You made having a baby like a designer accessory,'" Sasha says. "As a single woman, you're open to criticism when you're untraditional. I chose to ignore it."

Understandably, Sasha experienced fatigue, loneliness and "the fear that I'm it." But despite those worries and pangs of envy or sadness around friends who had babies in good marriages, Sasha reports that being a single expectant mother, and then the single parent of an infant, was generally empowering.

"For couples, having that first baby is stressful on a relationship. The baby can become a source of competition. I didn't have to negotiate with anyone. Billy has respected my decisions; he's not critical."

Sasha's mother stayed with her during the last month of pregnancy, and was also with her in the delivery room and for the first two weeks after Sophie's birth. Because of her privileged economic situation, Sasha could afford a nanny to watch Sophie when her six-week maternity leave ran out. After she returned to work, Sasha shortened her hours and arranged to meet Sophie during her lunch break.

Sasha credits both her family and Billy's relatives with giving Sophie love and support.

"I believe if you have a kid as a single person and surround them with family and love, that child will be just as well-off as other kids, and better than kids from bad marriages," Sasha says.

Besides having a warm relationship with her biological father, 6-year-old Sophie now has a devoted stepfather -- Sasha met her new husband at a playdate -- and two sisters: a 7-year-old from her step-dad's first marriage and a two-year-old half-sister from Sasha's current marriage.

"Sophie tells me all the time, 'I'm so lucky, I get to have two dads,'" Sasha says. "Sometimes she'll say she wishes she lived with Billy. But she's a balanced person, I don't foresee a lot of time on the couch for her."

The Single Pregnant Woman's Checklist
When it comes to single motherhood, there's no question that privileged, professional women have a financial leg-up over their lower-income counterparts. Yet with proper planning, having a baby solo can be a viable option for those without large bank accounts. Any woman contemplating this path should make sure she considered or has the following:

• Importance of age. Dr. Bock recommends being at least 30 before considering single motherhood. But how long should you wait? Of Bock's subjects, many thought a woman shouldn't embark on the single mom voyage before 35; she still has time to meet the right partner and have a family. Others felt a woman shouldn't wait until 40 because potential fertility problems are more likely.
• A strong support system of family and/or friends. Dr. Jane Bock stresses that a woman without a supportive extended family can still rely on "fictive kin," or friendship networks. "Biology shouldn't determine what a family is," says Bock.
• Financial means. Know how you're going to provide for your child's economic needs.
• Proper legal documentation. Create a will, a trust, an insurance policy, guardianship, and anticipate sticky custody scenarios.
• Resolve grief about being single. If possible, get therapy to make sure you're truly comfortable with the decision to have a child on your own.
• Resolve issues of home vs. work. "This is not a good thing to do if you can't find a balance between work and parenting," Sasha says.
• Find creative childcare strategies. Dr. Bock shares the story of a grocery store clerk whose work schedule changed weekly. This single mom had a large group of supportive female friends who volunteered to "take" her child on certain days. When the mom learned her weekly schedule, she called up her trusted friends and designated childcare hours until she'd accounted for each workday.
• Locate an organized support group. Single Mothers by Choice and Planned Parenthood both have national chapters. "Now [single motherhood] is so much more common," Sasha says. "At the time, I had no one to talk to. I wanted a community for straight women in an alternative situation."

* This name has been changed to insure the mother's anonymity.